I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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