God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
