If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
