he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
