I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
