Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think I won the penis lottery.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
