Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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