So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have feelings that need drinking.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
