Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
