I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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