just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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