He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
