I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
