I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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