I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
