that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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