me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
