I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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