stop calling my apartment porn island.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
