I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
