so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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