he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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