At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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