im gay
i know
yea but for you.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
