OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
