i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
