can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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