Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
