Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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