No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
