dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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