biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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