Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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