I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
