My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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