im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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