And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
