it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
