We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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