drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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