It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
