Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
