chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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