I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Too much gin, very little bucket
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
