Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
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I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
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I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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