he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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