You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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