Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
