You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize