My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
