this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize