I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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