I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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