you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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