did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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