First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
