I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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