I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
