I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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