Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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