He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
