dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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