At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
