But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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