I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
