I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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