I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
