will power is for people who don't want to get laid
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
