I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
